Crystal.jpg (17179 bytes) Crystal's Story Site

From the Comfort of their Favorite Armchair
  June 08, 2001

Today's Featured Author - Dee

by: Nelson                  

The author has only one story on display. It is incomplete but has four parts posted. The title is "Mother's Daughter". Many readers have loved, or will love this story. I didn't and couldn't force myself to finish the posted parts. It details the change of an average man into a submissive lesbian sex slave slut.

The story begins as Dave prepares to attend his fifteenth class reunion at one of the local hotel convention centers. It continues by giving some details of the evening including him seeing Shawna, who he had a crush on while in school. The turning point for Dave is when Beth, a witch, overhears his thoughts about a remark that Shawna makes. Because she was and still is one of Shawna's best friends, Beth acts upon that idea. The result is Dave becoming Melissa, Shawna's thirteen-year-old daughter. Things aren't too bad up to this point but the tone changes. Minor mistakes are punished by spankings and humiliation. Other changes happen as the story continues; some as a direct result of Beth's intervention. The end of part three to the beginning of part four feels forced with a gap of several years apparent.

I was only two or three paragraphs into part four when I stopped. I just didn't like the way the plot was developing. I didn't like where I perceived the story was going. But I couldn't force myself to finish reading it to be sure.

The writing in the story was fairly good. The level of detail in the descriptions was good but in this story that fact didn't have a chance to shine. The many typos caused a major distraction. I know that it sounds like a small thing but the amount of misspelled word detracted from a smooth read of the story. It has the appearance that the story was not proofread. It also appears that the author doesn't use a spell checker or the program used to write with doesn't have one.

In closing, I'll repeat I didn't like the story but the author wasn't too bad. If this is the type of story you like and can overlook the typos, I recommend you check it out.

by: Lady in Disguise

Dee’s contribution to the story archive is a four part, as yet unfinished story, entitled, "Mother’s Daughter." The protagonist, Dave, finds himself, unwittingly, the solution to a desire of a former high school classmate for a daughter. Dee uses her excellent talent for descriptive detail to lay out the change in Dave as he becomes Melissa. Dee does have a flair for painting pictures with words that in and of themselves make this story worth a read.

"Dave? Dave? Show yourself. I know you’re in there somewhere!"

And there’s the major problem with the four parts of "Mother’s Daughter" so far, where has Dave gone? Without him this becomes a lesbian domme story, not a bad one by any means but lacking the single major device of TG fiction, i.e.; he becomes a she in some form and, more importantly, knows it. Dee does have moments when she has Dave remember, and be appalled by what he’s become, but it’s an aside that has no bearing on the his current embodiment, Melissa. In fact, they are used to encourage the Melissa to rid herself of all thoughts of Dave. Thus she has a life and thoughts of her own, unimpeded or influenced in any way by Dave and intends to stay that way. As most of us are "Daves" we have less to connect us with the new main character now except as outside observers.

What we get for the remainder of the story is a lot of self description of a teenage girl going through the trials of puberty and some hot lesbian sex scenes. Dee’s talent for description serves her well here.

The images added to parts 3 and 4 appear to have the author’s(?) face cut and pasted onto ‘Melissa’s’ body which would be more compelling if Dave was an active partner in the Melissa character and he saw himself in her. A strange dichotomy of written imagery versus visual imagery that may or may not add to the enjoyment of the story for the reader.

The original premise, established in the opening part, of Dave being transformed by magical means into teenage Melissa had great promise (and perhaps could yet be resurrected) but by part 2 the promise is broken. Dave sinks into the background with hardly a whimper and the TG element of this story sinks with him. From then on it’s "I Was a Teenage Lesbian Love Slave" and if that’s your cup of tea take a pekoe. Those of us oolong for something more will have to hope Dee brings her descriptive talents to bear on bringing Dave back in the future.

Editor - Heather Sinclair


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